The Mocking Bird

The Mocking Bird
Dorcas Annette Walker

I have a mocking bird that sings in my ear all year long. Each day I hear its song. Sometimes the song is cheerful giving me hope while other times the song mocks me. When I wake up feeling normal I love to hear the mocking bird’s song. I feel that never again will my body betray me. The pain and overwhelming fatigue is just a past nightmare. I am getting better. I feel stronger. There is nothing wrong with me. Who cares if I am going slower? At least I feel normal again. Sure I can get dressed each day. Hope soars high within me.

The next day I wake up with the awful sick feeling again. Now the birdsong has turned into a noisy harsh sound that makes my head hurt. My body refuses to move when I command it and simple tasks overwhelm me. It is hard for me to concentrate and I feel dizzy. If only the mocking bird would stop. I cover my ears but the song resounds in my head. I can’t get away from it. I try to ignore it thinking positive thoughts. What can I wear that doesn’t need ironed? Who cares if I can’t comb my hair? At least I have changed my clothes. But all I hear is the mocking echo of the dratted bird. Why doesn’t it go away and pester somebody else? Tomorrow will be better.

The next day I feel worse instead of better. The mocking bird’s song is now a taunt. I am slower not faster. I feel angry. I will not let this dictate my life. My heart sinks when I see my face in the mirror. That old looking worn-out woman with uncombed hair is not me! I will comb my hair today no matter what. If I get dressed I will not have enough energy to comb my hair. So I compromise. I choose to comb my hair instead of getting dressed. When at last my hair is combed I feel civilized. I am normal no matter what the crazy bird says. I lie exhausted in my recliner for the rest of the day. Tomorrow will be better.

Tomorrow comes and I force myself to get dressed by noon. I will not give in. Forget about combing my hair. I will not listen to the mocking bird’s taunt. In two hours I can no longer stay awake. I change back into my PJ’s and barely am able to crawl back into bed. Who cares what the crazy bird says? I was able to get dressed three days in a row before breaking my record. I will just start over again. I refuse to give up. The mocking bird is still singing outside my window as I drop off to sleep. I cannot compare myself to others or to what I used to be. Instead I have to find what is normal for me.