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Welcome to my Lyme blog where you enter the world of Lyme Disease and get a firsthand glimpse of what Lyme can do to a person!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Neglected Wardrobe

The Neglected Wardrobe
Dorcas Annette Walker

I hold onto the sides of my closet to keep my balance and stare at the rows of clothes hanging inside my closet. Bright colors draw my attention as my eyes roam up and down the coordinated colors ranging from light to dark. I reach out and touch a silky fabric yearning to feel it against my skin. How long has it been since I wore a dress? I touch another sleeve and then another as the rainbow of greens, purples, then pinks all call out, pick me! I feel dizzy and overwhelmed with all the choices to choose from. What should I wear? Feeling refreshed after taking a shower I want to get dressed instead of wearing pajamas. I reach out for a blouse and skirt then place it back on the rod, then another. I feel exhausted at the thought of having to iron an outfit. I close my eyes to concentrate. What would be quick to iron or is there something I could wear without ironing that wouldn’t look wrinkled? Instead of all the colors cheering me up, I feel depressed. Will I ever be able to get dressed like I used to? Before Lyme’s I had no clue how much energy it took to pick out an outfit, iron it, and put it on. Now taking a shower depletes my stamina and the thought of trying to pick out a dress among the many choices saps what little energy I have. Slowly I turn and walk away. By the time I put on a pair of comfy pajamas and sit down in my recliner I am trembling with the exertion expanded. At least today I don’t have to lie in bed and stare at dresses that tantalize me with their bright colors.

What dress shall I wear today? I’ve tried to work through my pain determined to go to church this Sunday morning, but finally have to admit defeat. My pain level is too high to endure traveling and sitting. I even ironed a dressy outfit to wear that I haven’t worn in over a year. Now that I have to stay at home I have no desire to wear the ironed dress waiting for me. It will only remind me of what I am missing. So should I choose another outfit to pick up my spirits or simply grab something out of the closet that I wear for everyday? I run my hand down the line of bright print dresses each one a memory of fun times before Lyme’s invaded my life. Dresses that send clues about the kind of person I am; my individuality. The choice is too overwhelming. I need to lie down. As I turn to leave my eyes catch sight of sandals all lined in boxes to match my outfits. When was the last time I wore shoes? I can’t even remember. What has Lyme’s reduced me too? I am no longer the person I used to be. I close my closet doors to shut out the memories.